Thursday, July 14, 2011

Struggling

Today is one of those day. Just is. No particular reason. Probably PMS. I feel I could burst into tears any moment now. I hate this feeling so I am going to try to work out why on the ol' blog. This post will probably be jumbled and might not make much sense. It's just my brain at work today and I can't guarantee it's in FULL working order today.

- My heart is HEAVY for one friend who is dealing with stupid breast cancer. She is my age and this is her third diagnosis. She is currently undergoing chemo and just lost all her hair. She is one of the most beautiful and inspiring people I know and her journey has touched many lives and will continue to I know.

- My heart is HEAVY for another friend who is dealing with infertility. She has such great/amazing faith that God will heal her body and one day give her the child she SO longs for. And to Him she/we will give all the glory.

- My heart is HEAVY for a family member that is dealing with a very serious accusation. I can'tgo into details but it's very scary for him and could land him in a great deal of legal trouble.

- My heart is HEAVY for my little family. With Adam's new job (which we know was a blessing from God) comes great trial. We are separated until our home sells and as we all know the market AIN'T great. Being away from him is hard for me and our marriage. Addison is becoming more aware of his absence daily. And I know he misses us too. But we have faith that all is in God's hands and we are staying strong believeing we are in the midst of His will.

- My heart is HEAVY because we will be leaving our little town and moving to a big city. I complain about this town, but we do have roots here. We have a routine here. Friends here. Church here. Comfort is here. Starting over will be a very big challenge for me, but one I am preparing for.

- My heart is HEAVY because I am ready for another child. But with all that's going on right now, can I really handle a pregnancy. Alone. I was so tired the last pregnancy and now I might have to do it here, alone during the week. And then what if we move, I will have to pack up the house, etc. Then move. All while pregnant? I don't know if I want to do that. In my mind I had the second pregnancy all planned out but now, that's all changed. (Told yall I am a little crazy right now) The CONTROL FREAK in me panics at the thought of that but I also know God is in control. And I WANT Him to have control.

- My heart is HEAVY for my mom. She desperately wants (and needs) to lose weight. It's always been a struggle for her. She currently has lost 11 lbs. I am very proud of her but she has a long way to go to be in a healthy range. I really want to see her succeed this time. I am trying to be as encouraging as I can for her.

Am I the only one who feels so STRETCHED thin in relationships sometimes? I always want to be the BEST Christian, wife, mom, daughter, friend, supporter, cleaner, cook, that I can and sometimes I fail. That's hard for me as I am OCD as can be and I typically demand perfection from myself. I know that perfection isn't REAL but I demand myself be as close as possible and sometimes it mentily wears on me and I want to break down.

I don't break down often, but when I do... I hate it. I hate being weak. I don't mind being vulnerable, but I hate being weak. And sometimes when I break down I push people away and stay to myself which I realize is the opposite of what I should do. It's just natural for me. Something I have to work on. Daily.

I have lots going on the next 5-6 months that require a lot of planning and focus on my part. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed I will just do nothing! That doesn't help at all.

I am trying my best to be positive and productive and not get overwhelmed but somedays I just crumble a little. This is one of those days and this too shall pass...

18 comments:

mrs.mfc said...

Oh goodness, that is a lot to deal with all at once. Don't feel bad for breaking down once in a while. You can't be brave and strong all of the time. Hopefully everything will start getting better very very soon.

Karah said...

Girlfriend you have a lot going on right now and its okay to be weak. You need a good ugly cry, that always makes me feel a little bit better. We all have days like this and this too shall pass. I love ya and I am hear if you need to talk!!

I'm Jess said...

Sorry you are having a rough time, hopefully it will pass soon. You have a kind and beautiful heart! I hope all the people you care for get positive outcomes and I hope your house sells soon so you can be with your sweet hubs!

Lauren said...

Lyndsey…. You are much stronger than what you give yourself credit for. When I think of you, “weak” doesn’t even come to my mind. Thinking of you and praying for you my friend!!!

Susannah said...

Oh girl. I hear you and feel you on most of those accounts. I'm the same personality type as you, and other people don't really understand why we are like that and why we need things to be a certain way. Praying for your heavy heart....

Sole Matters said...

"Am I the only one who feels so STRETCHED thin in relationships sometimes? I always want to be the BEST Christian, wife, mom, daughter, friend, supporter, cleaner, cook, that I can and sometimes I fail. That's hard for me as I am OCD as can be and I typically demand perfection from myself. I know that perfection isn't REAL but I demand myself be as close as possible and sometimes it mentily wears on me and I want to break down."

GIRL, that is me to a T! xoxo praying for you! Cant wait to meet you at TL! :)

Suze said...

praying for you girl! what a heavy heart you have and we all have these moments! you are not alone! A quote i was told once is "this too shall pass!" You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!! xxoo

Leslie said...

Girl, I could have written this post myself!!! Substitute some different relationships issues in there, and push the move back 10 months (when hubs graduates in May), and I'm right there with you. Last night it all hit me like a ton of bricks and the only way I was even able to turn off my mind was listening to worship music on my ipod til I fell asleep. So my only advice is to just run to Jesus with every bit of it!!! Rest in his hope and comfort, even when there are no answers or fixes.

Mrs. Stethoscope said...

Sending prayers your way girl. Its tough when it comes at you at once, but hold strong. You are an amazing beautiful woman, and I know you can handle all of this it may be tough but you will get thru it

Brenda said...

Hang in there! Things are always better when you have faith and take one thing at a time.

Perfectly Imperfect said...

That's a lot for anyone to handle girl. It's normal for you to feel so stretched thin. I can relate to you on so many levels of this post.. Go have a big 'ol ugly cry. Promise it will make you feel a bit better.. Hit me up by text or Skype or whatever if you just need to vent. I'm here :)

Anne said...

Lynds, I just wrote an "overwhelmed" post of my own. Swap out the details and I could have said this word for word.

Know that you aren't alone! You are doing so much and you should be incredibly proud of yourself - I know I am.

God is in control for sure, and I'm asking Him to give you all the peace and comfort you need to juggle everything right now. Thinking of you, friend!

Kendall said...

Hi Lyndsay, I came across your blog from the "curl down" (BEB metioned it today, and i had seen it before but never visited your blog). Everyone you have written in this post I can relate to right now. I am in an "in between place" with our family, jobs, home etc and it can be overwhelming. Reading about other SAHMs in the same position is encouraging..we are all in this life together! Nobody said it would be easy, but God planned a life for each one of us that we don't even know about that. Just thinking about that miracle always gives me a little kick in the butt and keeps me going! Anyways, hang in there and pray about it! I will be stopping back again for sure :)
http://pearlstopampers.tumblr.com

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

I want to give you a big hug. You are such a great friend, mommy, wife, and daughter and everyone appreciates all that you do for them. But there is also only so much you can take on alone. Take some time for yourself... even if it's just 15 minutes. You're not alone and you have SO many praying for you.

Katie said...

Thank you for sharing. I'm struggling too and it is so easy for me to put on a happy face than admit it. I appreciate your honesty.

Magnolia_Mom said...

Just found your blog and am so excited to find another Auburn girl. Good luck with everything and War Eagle!

Pamela M said...

Hi Lyndsay! I found your blog from Erin at Blue Eyed Bride after her post today and I am so glad that I did!

Although we don't yet have children, I can totally relate to how you are feeling about being overwhelmed and stretched thin. Just remember that, in God's eyes, you are exactly the woman that he created you to be, and all we can be is our best self.

Will keep you in my prayers!! And you have a new follower, too!

Pam
www.ourlovenestblog.com

The Pink Putter said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling right now. You are much stronger than you realize and I feel sure that your faith in Him will see you through this. {{{hugs}}}

You are in my prayers.