Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Friendships: A Reflection

I'm back after an amazing week long beach trip. It was relaxing and so fun, which is exactly what I needed. While I was there I reflected a lot on my friendships and just friendships in general. I have blogged before about how I am displaced in a small town where most everyone grew up here. I have always felt a little like an outcast, but lately I am feeling much more welcomed and "part of the group." It got me to thinking about why that is. Is it just me warming up after 6 years or because I have a kid? Who knows, but I am glad!

A lot of bloggers have talked openly about how difficult it is making friends as an adult. It REALLY is! People are already established in their friendships and maybe don't wanna let you in. Or maybe they judge you from your looks or things you have and assume you are this or that. Whatever the case... it SUCKS! It's hard. I have decided that it's MY job, not other people's, to include myself, MAKE people get to know me. Because, well frankly, if you get to know me, and me in... I am a great friend. I pride myself on being a good friend. Cocky or not. I typically only have a few BEST friends. And I give A LOT of myself to them. They are more like sisters to me since I don't have a sister of my own! But I love always making new friends and meeting new people...especially now that I am older... because you never know why God put them there.

I heard (or read) a quote the other day that was VERY eye opening for me...
"God gives us three types of friends: friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for a lifetime."

I hadn't ever really thought about it like that. WOW! How true this was. I thought back to my past friendships and current friendships and began to analyze some of them. I began to see God's hand in them. I began to see how He taught me things through them.

I wonder why I have friends who are all different in character and personality? Some of them have obvious flaws, but then, so do I. None of us are perfect. How do I get along with them all when we are all so different?

I think that each one helps to bring out a "different" part of me. With one of them I am polite and as refined as I can manage. I joke and laugh (and say inappropriate jokes) A LOT with another. I have serious "life" conversations with one. I have DEEP spiritual conversations with one. I share a glass of wine or a margarita with one and dance on occasion with another. I listen to one friend's problems and give them advice and then I listen to another giving me advice. I share baby stories with several. I am on the same life path with some and not with others. But with all of them... I am ME! I am always ME. I don't conform to what other's are. I am comfortable being ME. I am a loud, funny, sometimes inappropriate, have no filter, say what I mean, trustworthy, loving, forgiving, invested friend ... and I am glad I am those things.

I have decided that friends are all like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.When completed they form a treasure box.
A treasure of friends! And are all special in their own, unique way. They are my friends who understand me sometimes better than I understand myself. They support me through good days and bad days. They let me "vent" when I need to and they don't judge me. They are the anti-depressants that I need to make it through life. Seriously, that's a VERY true statement.

I am a "reacher" to an extent. I will reach for friends and a lot of times they reach back. Sometimes they don't and that's ok. I am learning to not take those moments personally. I am learning that God will give me all the friends I need. When I think I need MORE, or I need to be in this circle or that... I am reminded of the GREAT friends I have. The sisters I have. And I am so thankful.

I am thankful for all the friends I have, have lost touch with or had for a season. Whatever the reason a friend came into my life, I learned something, I gained something, so I have to be forever grateful. 


Amanda said...

I love you, just so you know!! Im so glad that we are friends!!!

Angie said...

This is so well written!
Why is it so hard to make friends once you are an adult/ out of college? This is something I am currently struggling with. It's also a struggle to trust people once your older.
About 2 years ago I realized that my "friends" that I would give my right arm for would not do the same for me. So I have been pretty much left friendless.
I am trying to force myself to be more involved with people my age. I joined the Junior League and a workout class. I have my fingers crossed that some friendships blossom out of me putting myself out there.
War Eagle!

Grits said...

Totally agree! I'm really struggling with this these days and having a hard time feeling far away from my long time friends and struggling meeting new ones.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

i love you, my friend. and if we aren't always friends i will just miss you too much! it is so hard to make great, true, call whenever you want friends as an adult. then there are the ones that you might get together with once a month, but those aren't true friendships. that's just "company." :)

i miss you!

Lora said...

I am a new reader to your blog and I couldn't agree more. I live in a smallish town outside Columbus, GA and I'm not originally from here either. I've noticed it is incredibly hard making friends as parents. For awhile, I felt like it was hard to be friends because I was in school finishing up my degree when other mommies were staying home. I couldn't get together for playdates and things of that nature. I also felt like I was extremely young compared to them.

Now that I've graduated (WAR EAGLE!), it's hard to find friends because I am always worried what others think. I've always been like that and being a mother makes it no different. Am I a good mommy? Am I doing the right thing? What if my son acts up in public and I have to reprimand him? Are other mommies going to be judgmental of blah blah blah. I'm sure you get the picture.

Thank you for this post. I realize that I have to step out of my comfort zone and true friends will come.

Rachel said...

Great post!! If only all grown women would get this, we would all be happier!! You are a great lady!! :))))

Rachel said...

Great, great post :)

I love the quote you shared!

Sassy Amie said...

What a very sweet AND TRUE post! Like most people, I agree that it is harder making friends as an adult because circumstances change where you aren't "forced" to be around people (ex: high school, college, sports, etc) and if you are, (ex: work) you don't have to talk to them outside of that environment. It is definitely something that I struggle with, but the friends that I do have, I am a friend until the end.

Megan said...

Love this post and I so agree with everything! And I love that quote about friends for a reason, season and lifetime. I'm thankful to call you a friend!

Lauren said...

I SO SO love this and I’ve so experienced all this in my friendships in my life. And I’ve always loved that quote about friendship (season, reason, and lifetime). So so true!!!

Katie said...

I loved reading this post! Making friendships as adults is HARD. The quote you posted is so true! Thanks so much for posting!

Naturally Caffeinated Family said...

You know I agree with all of this. And you know how much I love you! :) And how blessed I am by our friendship and you. Big big hugs!!