Monday, June 27, 2011

"What took you so long?"

If you wanna laugh so hard you almost pee your pants on this Monday morning... here you go! I typically don't forward emails because they are cheesy or what have you... but this one seriously had me doubled over in laughter. It's SO happened to me (and probably every woman out there). So we can all relate and laugh together.
I don't know who the author is so I can't give credit but wow whoever wrote this did a phenomenol job!!

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance". To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work... The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ..............

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Mama is packin' heat

Yep, that's right. This southern girl is officially a gun owner. Actually, multiple guns!

Let me first say, I don't do guns. Well, DIDN'T do guns! With Adam being in Birmingham for work now, we wanted to make sure I was well protected. And believe you me, I am. The house is alarm ready and we now have a gun in every room. And let's just say... I am a natural born gun shooter!!!

He wanted to make sure that I knew what I was doing. And you will see from the video and pictures, I do. I had never shot a gun before. We got to the range and I was SO scared. It was so loud (even with ear plugs) and there were four other people shooting around me. I couldn't stop jumping every time someone shot a gun. My heart was beating out of my chest. I held the gun and aimed for probably 5 or so minutes before I shot it. I was scared it would kick really bad and I would shoot in the air.

Finally I shot it. And HELLO... RUSH! I loved it. It didn't kick bad at all. We stayed at the range for probably an hour and I was actually sad to leave. We will be going back. I loved it.

The pics below are evidence that I was there! HA!

WARNING... the video is LOUD... it's me shooting off 6 or 7 rounds. But it's me being me... and me is very silly! HA!


video

.380


This is the .22 that I absolutely fell in love with!

DO NOT mess with me!

Proof that I don't mess around. I hit the bullseye probably 10 plus times that day. Here is my first two!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Cirque Du Bebe

One of my dear friends, Amanda, is having a sweet baby boy in August so we wanted to shower her with gifts before his arrival.

I, along with 7 other girls, threw her the "Cirque Du Bebe" themed shower. I have to admit, when a "theme" was first brought up, I was not on board. I had never been to or thrown a themed baby shower. But after voicing my concerns, I was assured it wouldn't be like a birthday party but would be "sweet" for this baby boy! And it SO was. It WAS fun, sweet and cute!

We got a lot of our ideas from different websites, but a big inspiration was Hostess With the Mostess Blog.

Get ready for picture overload. Sad thing is... I totally didn't get a picture of the mama-to-be and me. BOO!

Vintage circus picture & decor (love me some hydrangeas)

More decor
  
"Jackson Henry" banner from Dimpleprints
Entry way where we put the "leave Amanda some advice" cards and the take aways.

Place for mama's to leave Amanda advice


Cracker Jacks (a play on Baby Jackson's name) with tag that said "Thanks for making Cirque Du Bebe spectacular"



Yummy food that the mama-to-be loves.




The yummy bite size fun-fetti cupcakes with cream cheese icing.

Candy Table (my favorite part)

Carnival lollipops and Peanuts


Candy table: Gummi Worms

Candy table: Orange slices

Candy table: pixi sticks and gummi bears


Candy table: Life savers

Cotton Candy cones
Candy table: Circus peanuts

Moss ball decoration. Bottom filled with peanuts.

Amazing picture we got from Amanda's mom to put on the gift table. Also in the background, the hostesses put together a recover kit for Amanda. It was filled with hemmroid cream, pads, Depends, Skinny Girl Margaritas, Tylenol, Epsom salt, nipple cream, etc. It was HYSTERICAL to watch her go through it with wide eyes!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Moving On

God never ceases to amaze me. Really. The way He works is absolutely breath taking sometimes. The way He answers prayers in His own perfect timing is absolutely amazing.

Before I get into this blog, let me rewind... A little over a year ago, I met a stranger for lunch! Little did I know that God would use her to mold me and shape me and pull me closer to His side. Amy and I talk often of God's grace and sense of humor that He's has for our friendship. Sometimes, we will be talking (mostly me-ha) and just stop and die laughing, not because what we said funny, but because of God's humor. I'm telling yall, God is funny. God gave me our friendship at the perfect time. I mean really, couldn't have picked a better time. And if you know us, we are so much alike, yet so different at the same time. But our friendship is ONE AMAZING blessing from God. We've shared some very similar life experiences and we can support each other in our struggles. We just get each other. And thankfully our husbands are supportive of our friendship and it doesn't get on their nerves (yet)!

Some people believe in soul mates. I believe in "God-mates." And Amy and I have discussed many times how we are so thankful for our precious/amazing/supportive/uplifting/godly husbands. We know they are gifts from God. And I also know that Amy is one of my "God-mates." The friend version. The McCurry's and Walker's are supposed to share life together. And we talk about how we know God must have really powerful plans in store for our lives because we feel His presence in our friendship SO strongly. He's here. He's at work. He's sought after. Although I am not sure what those plans are, and am ok not knowing, because His timing is so perfect, I know they are big.

I am sure some (or most) of you are aware that Amy and I lived 45 minutes away from each other. Key word: LIVED! She and DW moved to Birmhingham, Alabama a few weeks ago. When she told me they were moving, I about lost it. HOW could God give me this friend and take her that far away from me? (Although I know He giveth and taketh away). How? How? How? I sulked, got sad, god mad, pulled away a little, cried. Acted like a 5 year old basically! Then I got over it and became supportive because I knew that they were doing God's will. They aren't the kind of people to just say "Ok, peace out, we're moving!" They pray over a decision and seek God's wisdom and will. So I knew they felt led to go. And although I was sad (note: very sad) I couldn't be selfish. They moved, they are happy and I am happy for them.

Okay so getting onto the "moving on" part of the post. This wasn't supposed to be an ALL ABOUT MINE AND AMY'S FRIENDSHIP POST! But I had to share that part for you to fully understand the awesome-ness of my big news which is...

WAIT, let me rewind again... (stay with me here) Adam has been with his current company for almost 3 years. They are amazing and they are good to their employees. And we are ever so thankful for that. He's happy in his job, which you wives know that makes a BIG difference when the ol' hubs is happy. BUT He was starting to want more. He wanted to advance his career. So we prayed for that. For God's perfect timing. And waited patiently. Typically people in Adam's position get there and stay a loooong time. There's not a lot of room for advancement with his company, although there is SOME... and about a month ago that SOME came our way. And he got a promotion (to God be all the glory).

But that's not the best/most ironic/humorous part...

Where is this promotion taking us???

BIRMINGHAM, AL!!!!!!!!!! WHAT? I know, right? I told yall God was good and funny! And you know what's even FUNNIER? There's a good chance we will live MINUTES from Amy and DW. What?? SHUT UP, right? It's just insane.

It's been tough to not shout it out, because I have a BIG MOUTH and I love to share (sometimes, over share-just ask my friends). But now that everything is finalized and our house in fo' sale, I can share! We prayed over this decision for 2 weeks. We wanted to make sure that this was a God move and not a "money" move. We wanted to feel led there and not go there based off of our own selfish wants. And we both definitely felt led. But I won't lie, when he first told me, I LOST MY MIND. (See also: CRAZY!) I don't do well with change. It gives me the worst anxiety ever. And although I have always wanted to live in Birmingham (since I got out of college/before I even met Adam) the thought of "starting over" overwhelmed the POO out of me. Selling our house, buying a house, finding a church that we love as much as ours, making friends, having NO family there, finding Addison a good school, finding a new OBGYN, finding a new pediatrician, vet, general doctor, dentist, etc... it all overwhelmed me SO! But I now have a great peace about it all. And since I am CERTAIN we are in the midst of God's will... I know all those things will be worked out in time. (I mean really...did I freak out over a VET?? Girl, yes I did!)

There will be many posts to come about this topic, progress, etc. So don't worry about the lack of details. They shall be all right here. I am just glad to be able to share our good news. We are excited to start this next chapter in our lives and very thankful for our wonderful support system. More to come...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"Frog"

So the other night, Adam and I were sitting in our den and Addison turns the corner with a ceramic frog that lights up and starts yelling "F#*K, F#*K"!!

I shot my eyes over at her, shook my head and said "NO. It's FROGUHHHHH!!!"

She said, "F#*K, F#*K!"

At this point, Adam has tears in his eyes from laughing so hard! I told him to get his phone out stat... and this is what we caught!

She, by no means, had any idea what she was saying. We don't cuss in our house. But she was so tickled because we were just dying laughing.

This was just one week ago and today she used the word "fwogie" so she has already corrected it. She changes so much every day it amazes me. I just thought I would share this hilarious moment that we captured. One day, she will be humiliated by this 57 seconds of sweet innocence...








Friday, June 10, 2011

The blogger formerly known as...

... All Things Fluffy, Fashionable & Famous. Yep, it's me. I'm back (this time for realz). Except this time with less fluff (although I still have and adore my pups), fashion (I'm a stay-at-home mom and on a Dave Ramsey budget) and famous (I have bigger things to focus on these days).

But I am still me. LOUD, opinionated, blunt and pretty much obsessed with the same things as before.

I am now, McMommy Daze... because some days I am so busy and have so much going on that I literally walk around in a kind of glorious mommy daze. And of course my life consists of mommy "days" too. Nonstop really. And yes my last name starts with Mc. Simple. Right? YEAH!

I decided to make a comeback to blogging for several reasons:
- I miss it. Plain and simple.
- I want to look back and let this be my journal through life.
- I have some exciting things going on.

Some differences you will see on this blog verses the old blog:
- Less talk of fashion. It's still my love, but being a SAHM and on a budget doesn't allow for much shopping. I will occasionally blog about my new "loves" but doesn't mean I have them or will be getting them.
- More talk of my family. They are my love, passion and life. So expect more pictures and stories. And our lives are filled with funnies so expect some good laughs!
- More talk about Christ and the work He is doing in my life. Some of the things will give you chills and literally take your breath away.
- Consistency. I am promising to blog 3 or 4 days a week minimum. Even if I don't feel like it. This is going to be my little personal journal.

I will write about what I want, when I want. I will give my opinions. I don't hold back. It's the kind of person I am. I am an "out there" kind of person. I will share things that, to some, may be over the top, or too risque. But that's me. Those that know me, love this about me (most of the time).

When I shut All Things Fluffy, Fashionable & Famous down, I had 640 followers. I understand I will lose some of those. But I also understand I will gain some new wonderful readers. It's not about numbers for me this time. It's not about how many comments I get. Some times I might even disable comments on my posts. It's about journaling my life. Being real. Each and every day. Sharing the goings on of our funny family. That's the kind of blog this will be.

I met some of my now best friends through blogging so I have to love it. I have to respect it and that's another reason I came back to it. I can't wait to build friendships with new bloggers, new readers and see what comes of all this.

I'm excited to share my life on this new blogging journey. Expect some exciting things to come.